“There are always and only two trains running. There is life and there is death. Each of us rides them both. To live life with dignity, to celebrate and accept responsibility for your presence in the world is all that can be asked of anyone.”
- August Wilson (Two Trains Running)
Damn, I’ve been a downer lately. Passive-aggressive. Shit, aggressive period. Petty. Ruminating on past hurt. Vitriolic. Preoccupied with balancing others’ karma. It’s interesting, a good friend of mine pointed out that trying to balance others’ karma throws one’s own karma off-kilter. And God knows, I need all of the good karma I can get. Atonement is where I am at these days.
A friend of mine sent this to me yesterday, and I can’t stop watching it. I love Denzel, and all, but it’s his words — and the authority and conviction with which he says them that is captivating me.
“True desire in the heart for anything good is God’s proof to you, sent beforehand, to indicate that it’s yours already. You already have it. Claim it.” – Denzel Washington
And here’s the thing. I do desire good, and goodness. My heart isn’t simply filled with negativity and scars from my past hurt. Regardless of what some people think, my heart isn’t simply consumed with revenge fantasies of karma serving its justice. I want to be happy. I want to be content. I want peace.
I’ve been relatively zen the past few days — especially after I’ve become resolute in my desire for closure. And more importantly, balancing my own karma. Because Lord knows, I have a lot to do.
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